Your Neighborhood Sucks

Whenever I tell people where I live, they are quick to say a lot of the following:

"Oh.... where's that?"

"Oh, wow, that's a pretty long commute, no?"

"That's like the end of the earth!"
"Isn't that sort of in the middle of nowhere?"

For the record, no and nope, and ha!

It takes me about an hour to get to work in midtown, partially because I walk slow. I like my neighborhood full of real people, families, and young couples. There are restaurants and bars and all that jazz, and it's close enough to the city, but also quiet enough to give you some of your sanity. But, the hipsters are coming. Every year I notice that more and more of them trickle in. It's happening.

The rent though, sure beats the shit you get in "trendy Brooklyn." True life, this is the best Tumblr ever, -->The Worst Room.

 $750/month room in a Carroll Gardens apartment via The Worst Room

What you really get in New York, because freelance journalists don't live in Carrie Bradshaw's apartment, by the by.

Subway Certified Reads: The Smart One

I was in a reading rut for awhile, but the latest from Jennifer Close got me back on track. Anyone else fall into a routine where you pick out one lousy book after another that you just want to toss across the room? The kind of book with writing that makes you feel like you need to immediately craft a novel yourself, because if those books can get published than what the hell? *cough* Clearly, I Didn't Think This Through by Anna Goldfarb. (Clearly, I didn't this through -before picking it up).*cough* Anyway...

The Smart One is the story of the year in the life of a family where nothing is going as planned for anyone. Weezy is worried about her adult children who have all found themselves living at home after their lives go off track one way or another. Clare has just broken off her engagement and is dead broke at the cusp of 30. Her slightly older sister, Martha, has never left home after getting stuck at a retail job when her career as a nurse proved to be too stressful, and their college-aged brother Max is entangled with his seemingly perfect girlfriend Cleo, who has struggles of her own.

Close wrote one of my favorite coming-of-age books, Girls in White Dresses. The Smart One is a great follow-up, transitioning from the tumultuous early twenties to the brake-halting late 20s when you have no idea how you got to this place called adulthood. By switching up the narration from chapter to chapter among the four female lead characters, you get a look into what each women's silent struggles are without the sappy, shopping-fueled antics of fluffy chick-lit. I usually don't care for narration change in novels, but Close does it in such a seamless way that you never get lost. Martha's social awkwardness, Clare's purposeless existence, Weezy's obsession with why her children can't seem to get on their feet, and Cleo's surprising loneliness make the characters human in the most simplistic ways.

The story is not neat and tidy, there is no bow at the end, and some things are left open-ended in the way that life usually is. Close has proven she's fantastic at telling it how it really is. Things never work out exactly how you planned, but it's how you react to life when the track veers off course that matters. It's also what makes an interesting story. The Smart One is smart like the title suggests, funny, and relatable. I already can not wait for her next novel.

This book is definitely a: If you See Something, Say Something

*My fool-proof rating system for books
If you See Something, Say Something: Must-Read
Delayed Due to Train Traffic: Decent-Read
We are Being Held by the Train Dispatcher: Skip it!
*possibly not fool-proof

How to Be a Courteous New Yorker

It often amazes me that in a city of millions, where most people will pass at least a hundred faces a day, there are New Yorkers who still manage to think that they are the only people on the planet. The issue comes most into play on the subway, a stank place where far too many bodies and personalities are forced to coexist in tight confines.  

"But, it runs at all times of the day and night!!!" you may shout.

To that, I must say, TAKE A WALK. Come ride the rails of insanity with me for a week or two and see how excited you are about it then. Let us not forget the blind rage Discman-thrasher, the misplaced train rager, and the chick who wants to stare at you.

Let me show you an example of the WORST type of subway commuter.

Yes, I know what you may be thinking. My god, this is BUT A CHILD!

Yea, a child who is committing the ultimate faux pas in train travel. She is taking up precious sitting space with her coat and book bag during prime rush hour traffic. And her mother, fully aware, is sitting there witnessing it all without a peep. Only her penguin-sized tiny second child is between them.

For starters, this mother is THE WORST. I don't care how tired you are, how busy, how hectic it is raising two children. You teach your children to be considerate of others. Your THINGS don't need a seat.

Secondly, an OLD MAN WITH A CANE was standing right in front of this minion child. Even if the kid was raised by a pack of incompetent wolves, she is at an age where she should be able to reason that an old man perching on a cane is more important then her damn winter jacket, which needs to revisit the back of her closet. (HI MOM, IT'S 62 DEGREES. LET"S TRY TO DRESS THE KIDS APPROPRIATELY). I've actually witnessed a little boy get up to give me his seat, which I politely declined; and watched little kids turn beat red when I offer up my seat if they seem too tiny to stand on a moving train. This kid looked up from her drawing several times, and didn't flinch.

Usually I would eye the mother while simultaneously bopping the coat with my hip. But, somehow it became a social experiment (plus there was the guy with the cane huffing loudly and rolling his eyes). It took everything inside of me not to reprimand this kid. One day I will be THAT old lady on the train, watch out!

You may say, "eh it's just a seat and a lazy kid." But the problem is who this child will grow-up to be in ten years. These kids turn into that annoying chick from college that I occasionally see on the train who takes up an entire seat with her Louis Vuitton purse and lunch sack as people cram on during rush hour. She'll grow up to be that person who tries to sneak through the emergency exit door as people stream off the train, huffing in annoyance that you won't let them pass before you (ILLEGALLY!), and go the opposite way.

These people are rude. Let's be courteous, people! You're making everyone else (i.e. ME) grumpy.

Happy Cinco de Margarita!

 

Once upon a time, Cinco de Mayo was a good excuse for me to put on a sombrero and stand in an overcrowded bar that stunk of spilled penny beers. Now it's a good excuse for me to try new summertime beverages that I would normally pass in the grocery store without notice.

Sitting in your apartment drinking a Bud Light? Acceptable. Sitting at home drinking a margarita from a can? Not that acceptable, or something I plan for my Sunday evenings on the regular (although I'm not entirely sure why not).

I picked up a pack of the new Bud Light Lime Straw-ber-Ritas while shopping for groceries. Although the bevs have the longest, most drawn out name, they are pretty tiny. They look like little cans of Minute Maid juice that you buy out of a vending machine at a museum. The cans are so cute and precious that they're borderline dangerous. I could see myself cracking open one, two, or three with a turkey sandwich over lunch, and then waking up four hours later in the corner of my living room with a malted beverage headache clasping onto bread crusts.

Overall they're pretty tasty for a malted beverage, which I usually find too fizzy. It was pretty sweet and tasted like a margarita (more than a beer), although I'm pretty sure there is no tequila in it. Anything that cuts down the time it takes to make a margarita is pretty good in my book. The only problem I foresee is Bud Light having to change the size/packaging of the cans when a few too many eight-year-olds guzzle these down after soccer practice when they reach for a Juicy Juice. Watch out moms and dads!

What's on Your Map?

There are very few things I have found worthwhile from my Time Out New York subscription. There, I said it. Sorry, but Time Out bores me. I bought a one year subscription thanks to a Groupon deal that was too cheap to pass up. I was having a, "I need to read more about what's up in this city," moment. Unfortunately Time Out regurgitates the same information week after week, and it turns out that I don't even want to do most of the things they feature. (Except Googa Mooga. Very excited for our return to Googa Mooga, and this year my friends have tickets too. Woop!) There should be a byline on the magazine that notes, "by hipster for hipsters."

Even though it's mostly an underwhelming publication, I sometimes come upon interesting tidbits like this site. Apparently this chick had the best idea for a coffee table book. Like a coffee table book you actually want to look at instead of perching your coffee cup on.

Via Map Your Memories

The author went around the city handing out a map of Manhattan, and asked people to map it out based upon their NYC experience (AKA "fell in love here," "met my husband here," "starred in my first show"). Some of them are really great, and some are really lame. But, overall I think it's a really interesting concept. They're posted on her Tumblr, and she filled a book, "Mapping Manhattan" with the best maps she collected. There's also a map for Harvard Square, and I can likely see this growing to include even more cities because it's a decent, original idea.

I thought about filling one out, but realized my markings would be pretty uneventful. For the most part my map of Manhattan would have a cluster of midtown pinpoints along the lines of "celebrated my 21st birthday here," "drinks," and "happy hour," and downtown pinpoints of "first job," "second job," "favorite Mexican joint."

But, then I took a moment and realized that if I zoom out of my life, it's pretty crazy to think that my first real job was in Manhattan. My favorite restaurants are in a city people have as a vacation destination. I've even been mugged at gunpoint on this map! I've done a lot here. A lot has happened to me here. When did that happen? I still feel like the little kid who got excited to take the subway with my parents to see the Christmas windows (yes, Jewish people really like to do this too), and now I'm the grumpy lady scrunching onto the train every day for my morning commute.

Now where's "Mapping Brooklyn?"

What would your Manhattan map look like?

Things to Obsess Over

Amidst the sea of articles about working moms, workaholic moms, and women leaning in and all that, I've recently become obsessed with the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA). It's probably abnormal how much I'm reading about this lately. It's right up there with my reality TV sickness.

Basically the FMLA allows employees to take 12-weeks of unpaid leave from their job for family and medical reasons without losing their job. Most notably it's what we consider "maternity leave" in America. Sadly, the United States has one of the worst maternity leave policies in the world. I would go into specifics, but I can't even try to pretend to be a politico who fully understands all the gaps in this convoluted mess of a law. What I do know is that the system is currently set-up for women who don't have a lot of money or a huge support system to fail.

Problems with the FMLA?

1. It's UNPAID. I'm sorry, but really? We're supposed to be one of the best countries in the world to live, and we can't figure out a way to pay people for 12 measly weeks off from work when we're likely going to have to work for the rest of our lives? We're one of only four countries that do not guarantee paid time off for creating a life. This isn't an easy feat from what I've heard. It's not exactly like microwaving a Lean Cuisine, people! And, what are these other countries we're on par with you may ask?: Papua New Guinea, Sierra Leone, and Liberia. Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure we're more advanced than those places. Also, wait, WHERE?
2. You only qualify if your company has at least 50 employees. Working for a small company? Too bad, so sad.
3. It doesn't apply to part-time employees. Sorry Charlie.
4. You have to be working for the company for at least a year. Trying to further your career while trying for a baby? Well, let's hope that two good things don't happen at once, because you'll be giving birth on top of the filing cabinets and taking a sick day, or two, in between.
5. Sometimes employers still find a way to "eliminate" positions or replace employees during their time off.

Even though I don't have to worry about this yet, I do worry. I especially worry about things that I have no control over and even more so about things that aren't fair. There's something demented about the fact that the time in a woman's life when she's worrying about advancing her career also coincides with when she needs to start making important decisions about having children. The FMLA is designed from a standpoint where the woman isn't a major contributor to the family income, who can easily take a 12-week unpaid break (if she even qualifies), and diddle-daddle back into work. As someone who makes about the same as her husband, who has carried our health insurance costs for the past year, I have to wonder, why hasn't someone fixed this yet?

If you're interested in learning more, and taking action, check this website out.

A Kid in New York

 Via nymag.com

Occasionally I succumb to the impulse buys that are scattered along the check-out line at Duane Reade, Rite Aid, CVS, and various other drug stores across America. I usually try not to be a sucker, but I happened to be a sucker the other day. 

A few days after writing this I spotted the "Annual Yesteryear" issue of New York magazine. I was all like "OEMGEE, OLD NEW YORK, childhood in New YORK! Famous New Yorkers!" MUST BUY.

"City kids are known for precocity and skepticism, and for growing up into prideful seen-it-alls who refuse to be impressed. But they are not unenchantable..."

Of course, everything in the issue that I wanted to read is provided for FREE online. Buh. Sucker I am, but the husb made a point, "now you have this issue forever!" I mean alright, I guess I could frame the cover for the fun of poor man's art. Fooey.

There's a lot of interesting bits of history about childhood through the years in New York. Like most parts of the country (and the world) the thing we know as childhood came about thanks to child labor laws. Before people wised up to how dangerous it was for kids to be doing some of the things they were doing, before child labor was a taboo phrase, kids worked. They were expected to give up their pay to help their families survive. They worked hard, but they still had a lot of fun, and got away with things no one would imagine a kid would do in today's nervous-nelly bubble boy world.

I'll never know what it's like to be a newsie (which is unfortunate because I think the redheaded mini me would have looked fabulous in a newsboy cap), but it was funny to read about some of the celebrity's takes on being a kid in the city that never sleeps.

"You've got to fight for what you want. You've got to hustle. You've got to climb. You can't just sit around thinking shit's going to fall in your lap. You learn that by just trying to find a f*ing seat on the subway and the bus." - Spike Lee